~D~

I found me. Others find others. I found joy. Others find lies. I found peace. Others repeat....

Sun, 27 Jan 2013 04:07:46 -0500

I found me.
Others find others.
I found joy.
Others find lies.
I found peace.
Others repeat.

That’s it. As simple as life should be.

Hi I’m Mr convenient. Just keep using me up, and never return the favor…. Stop using...

Wed, 26 Dec 2012 09:17:36 -0500

Hi I’m Mr convenient.

Just keep using me up, and never return the favor….

Stop using me for your convenience. Taken parts of me until almost nothing is left of me. Just feel like a shell of a person. Don’t even know if my feelings matter enough to have names.

Tired Of Being Alone. In love but it’s not love. No one ever wants the same thing. And...

Sat, 22 Dec 2012 03:48:43 -0500

Tired
Of
Being
Alone.

In love but it’s not love. No one ever wants the same thing. And everyone else can suck a big one.

I’m still in love.

Help me out.

No, fuck that. I don’t want out. I want in. I want something. I want more than just me. I need a push, a constant push in my life. I have my own drive, but another person could make a world of difference.

Why not be alone though? So much free time to do what you want. No one you want to spend money on. You can get a new girl every night. You can be laying next to someone and feel nothin. You can spend your days only thinking of yourself.

I want to be with a person that wants to see me. Haha. Wow it’s gotten low. Maybe I’m just that hard to be around. Like, emotionally.
Why? Though.

I heard once I plan my failure. Set up for a mistake. Make life changing moves with a deeper hope. Like I’m addicted to sadness. Maybe just depressed. Can’t see a good outlook so bad shit keeps happening.
Nope! I’m a positive person, always ready to have a good time, always trying to make someone smile. Yeah!….okay spent…

Done talking to myself about myself.

So being… stupid…even more stubborn. Being so means you will never get what you desire....

Sun, 04 Nov 2012 03:53:44 -0500

So being… stupid…even more stubborn. Being so means you will never get what you desire. In fact you push everything farther away, build up walls and construct obstacles. Even if your desire seems simple, it’s not…stupid.
I just want to experience what it would be like to be in love again. I feel it everyday but being stubborn I look in the wrong places. It’s not the same as it was, it never will be…thank god! I want to know who you have become. See the new you, I want to be back.
Daily reminders of it never happening, and being stupid I ignore them, blind my vision, quiet the advice, the truth.

Just don’t know how to get back to life. Just doesn’t matter as much with out love. It’s what I need, to come home to open arms, a kiss or shit just a “happy to see you” look. Maybe another lifetime.

Love the ones that return your love. What if you love the depression. What if your life is going...

Wed, 12 Sep 2012 00:28:58 -0400

Love the ones that return your love.

What if you love the depression. What if your life is going to be tragic and stressful forever, and it’s not a scare.
What is escape? What is true love?

Love the ones that give you love back.
If the love isn’t returned what’s the point. Why keep going in life?
Is it even possible to find love?

Get the same feelings everyday, I call it love. I know that’s the name for this feeling, but without the return is it really love? Is it just crazy? Is it lust?

It’s love. I know it’s love. One day I’ll trade love equally with someone. I hope she is as beautiful, as smart, and makes my bad days forgotten memories; like you do lady.

Does a heart ever mend. Is there a glue? A remedy? Never ever will this heart mend. Thats an awful...

Sun, 26 Aug 2012 08:47:46 -0400

Does a heart ever mend. Is there a glue? A remedy?

Never ever will this heart mend. Thats an awful feeling.

Maybe hope is the solution.

I hate sleep. I want it so bad. Just stays away in the shadows til I’m out of tears. I really...

Sat, 18 Aug 2012 00:47:12 -0400

I hate sleep. I want it so bad. Just stays away in the shadows til I’m out of tears. I really wish everything would be better, but that’s never the fact. Just another night. A long dark night. And to think i use to love the dark, now it’s just lonely.

I miss you. I wish the red door would open and let me in.

Feelings suck. No control. Just want to sleep without this dream. It’s a dream that’s...

Mon, 09 Jul 2012 11:37:52 -0400

Feelings suck.
No control.
Just want to sleep without this dream. It’s a dream that’s becoming a nightmare. Starting to keep me up at night. Giving me a feeling that ripping out my soul would be okay.
It’s a simple dream, it’s so simple it might even be called a dream. I see eyes. Just two. I know the eyes, I love seeing them. But the eyes change. Not in color or to another set of eyes, but the feeling I get from the stare.
I use to feel love, freedom. Now I feel lost, alone.

I’m in love and kinda want out. I don’t want it to be this way anymore. My dreams never come true.

Feelings suck. No control. Just want to sleep without this dream. It’s a dream that’s...

Mon, 09 Jul 2012 07:48:57 -0400

I’m in love and kinda want out. I don’t want it to be this way anymore. My dreams never come true.

Night full moon Night lost love. Night sleep, I miss you

Thu, 05 Jul 2012 04:45:51 -0400

Night full moon
Night lost love.
Night sleep, I miss you

The Girl Behind The Red Door...: What We Don't Know

Wed, 04 Jul 2012 02:14:07 -0400

The Girl Behind The Red Door...: What We Don't Know:

sunafterthestorm:

We are reckless
Leave each other breathless
We are infinite in our genius
but we aren’t wise enough to know it yet.

We are the second
and the third
generations of
the frightened and the uncertain
pasts.
We bleed for fun
and set fires to our futures
because
we don’t understand…

Change, I hear that’s what I need. To get away…. Fuck that. I don’t want change....

Tue, 26 Jun 2012 15:34:50 -0400

Change, I hear that’s what I need. To get away…. Fuck that.

I don’t want change. I don’t want to run away. I gave up on my heart once, trying to forget and forgive and move on. Never forgot, realized no need to forgive, and can’t move on.

I think anyone that can read this and anyone that knows me can figure out what I mean.

People tell me to stop, let it be over.
Others tell me to keep trying. Anything worth something takes work. Nothing comes easy.

I know how I feel, it radiates out of me when I talk about it. When I describe my feelings others are taken back by my love.

I Need to find myself I guess, but I know me… And I’m myself, ups and downs, silent but strong. I snap and break but only to bounce back more determined and with a will that has gotten tighter, now I feel no one can snap it.

I’m different around you. I want the half of me that went missing so long ago back. The person thats so similar but shines in a different light. Her world is opposite, her thoughts, her dreams, shit everything. But we are so alike maybe its what we learned from each-other so long it’s a blur.

Its over, it’s done, it will never be the same. Thats what excites me, the same person I truly love and protect, but a different life. A different relationship, I know it would be amazingly different and with love anything is possible.

I never want to hold anyone back; people have their goals, and I only want people to go for them. I go for mine, never stop trying, it’s all I got.

So young and I feel so old. Physically not old, but mentally so worn I feel like a belt might break...

Mon, 25 Jun 2012 23:33:22 -0400

So young and I feel so old. Physically not old, but mentally so worn I feel like a belt might break and my head will just seize.

Wouldn’t be the worst thing I guess. The seizing of a brain, the stop of thought, no more desires, no more stress.

Better yet the lose of a mind. Oh to be crazy, just slightly mad. Insanity maybe to far, but still has a calming sound to it. To be just kinda lost, maybe in a pleasant memory; that one amazing night making beds outside and wasting nights away. Relive your past over and over and being content and possibly blissful.

What if dreams came true. I would be getting hurt at work, falling down cliffs, but shit i’d have a shit ton more sex.

So if the asshole’s always win, and nice guys finish last. Than what happens to the nice guy...

Sun, 24 Jun 2012 02:32:55 -0400

So if the asshole’s always win, and nice guys finish last. Than what happens to the nice guy that’s half an asshole?

I guess he never finishes. Fucken loser.

Feelings

Sat, 23 Jun 2012 08:48:27 -0400

Feelings suck. I wish I could just say bye to them.

The worst part is no one cares about feelings. No one bothers to try.

I wish I wasn’t so alone. Reminders in the morning and seeing others where i’d like to be.

And that’s the worst feeling of all, jealousy. It haunts your thoughts and burns your chest. It brings anger and regret.

Fuck man I’m being to hate so much.

Wish life actually went my way.

The older I get the less I know. Blah. Sleep stupid. Okay so I’ve been venting into this...

Sat, 09 Jun 2012 00:56:53 -0400

The older I get the less I know.

Blah.

Sleep stupid.

Okay so I’ve been venting into this white screen and realize something.

Like, stupid amounts of typing, And my thumbs hurt.

I realized… Besides a few important things; I can’t write worth shit.

Time
To try and sleep
Again.

Maybe I should crash the neighbors party… Maybe.

So…. Fucked up fun. Gotta take down my post. Wasn’t very nice kinda one of those in the...

Fri, 08 Jun 2012 07:46:05 -0400

So…. Fucked up fun. Gotta take down my post. Wasn’t very nice kinda one of those in the moment things.

Waiting

Mon, 04 Jun 2012 02:08:14 -0400

I know no one really fucken cares. Feelings don’t matter. I like being lied too. I like waiting. I like being ditched. Fuck. Thanks so much. Useless; I know I am. The feeling now just permeates out of me. Hopefully I leave it one day. Hopefully my heart can get rid of this love. Never has before…. Again here is to hoping.

I seriously hate my life.

Hate feeling alone. Got friends. Got a family. Just missing that one. I miss, I think, I hope,...

Sun, 03 Jun 2012 00:06:01 -0400

Hate feeling alone.

Got friends. Got a family.

Just missing that one. I miss, I think, I hope, and newest I actually wish. I basically pray.

Maybe one day. Hope it’s soon.

But another night alone. Just one more to add to this never ending count.

I know I love. I feel it everyday. I long for a moment. I prize every second.

Can only hope. Night world. Time to sleep alone, again.

I miss you lady of my dreams. I saw your eyes again tonight. The most beautiful thing, big black holes in a bright dark blue ocean.

Came back to reality and it hit me hard. First day bad and it was like a bomb happened in my kitchen...

Fri, 01 Jun 2012 01:40:04 -0400

Came back to reality and it hit me hard. First day bad and it was like a bomb happened in my kitchen at work. So much food getting thrown away. Hours on the phone talking to reps and getting my money back. Training a person and I forget how slowly some people learn. So 9am to 1230am. Not bad. Fucken to long but not bad, at least thats what I tell myself.

Still got to come home and see lady. Drink and high but got to see her. Didn’t realize til after my trip that she can melt my stress away with one eye. Tested it tonight, drunk people on pillows never look straight.

Let’s do if again in a few hours. Nine in the morning comes quick. Night world. Let’s fog you out!!